Perplexion
I know that’s not a real word. I just spent a couple hours reading through one of pseudonym’s old works that is going to be released in a new format in the great big, wide world. So I got another chance at tweaking, which is a good review for me, since I’m currently writing book five of that series.
The problem is that I was, without a doubt, a better writer then: three years ago.
I don’t get it. I simply don’t get it. I’m completely perplexed. I’m depressed. I’m frustrated. I’m embarrassed.
I’m getting worse. Much worse, no contest, no subjectivity, I’m getting worse.
All the practice, all the reading, all the writing… and for what? And good lord, this is from the period when I was hacking out 56K a month! I have all the time in the world to fuss, now, and I’M GETTING WORSE!
I was hoping that by the end of this post, I’d have a way to spin this into something positive, something uplifting.
But I don’t.
Back to the drawing board, I guess. I think a movie is called for. Maybe two. Any suggestions?
What do you do when your writing’s frustrating you? Ever been afraid you’ve lost the magic touch?
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Natasha Fondren is a writer traveling the U.S. in a camper with her four cats. She is currently enjoying the lizards and desert heat in Arizona.
You are NOT getting worse. That’s impossible. You may be having a bad day, week, month, whatever, but your writing only improves with experience.
No, Stephen, really. Unless I’m having a bad two or three years, LOL. Which is entirely possible. *sigh*
Movies: Inglourious Basterds and/or District 9. If you haven’t seen both yet, you’re failing. =P
As for your writing, I really find that hard to believe. While you stated there is “no subjectivity” involved here, you yourself have contradicted those words in the past, saying that readers tend to like what you dislike.
If there is some kind of truth to your words (which, again, I don’t believe to be the case), then perhaps “hacking out 56K a month” allowed you to become more immersed in the story than when you only do small portions at a time.
However, I just feel like I’m indulging your delusions. Writers might experience a slump, but they certainly do not steadily decline in ability while at the same time working to improve. (I add that caveat because I suppose it would be possible to worsen if you weren’t trying to better yourself, but you are, so it’s a moot point.)
I suppose you can even say I write this from personal experience…Because while I’ve never felt I had any kind of “magic touch” (puh-LEAZE!), I certainly did go through a period only a few months ago where my poetry was indeed worsening. (I had outside corroboration of this to rule out my bias, of course.) This turned out to be only a stage, though, and while my poetry still goes up and down with each poem I write (i.e., how invested I am in the poem determines the quality…although emotional investment usually decreases said quality, oddly enough), I am still steadily improving in all the areas that matter. Now I just need to be able to pull them all off at once, and each time. (Ah, THERE’S the rub. XD)
Hurm…well, I hope my ranting helped. Perk up soon!
I KNOW, Joey, it’s terrible! I used to go to movies to escape, and now that I’m so happy, I have no desire to go to movies! The reading-a-book-a-day thing isn’t helping.
I am comfortable hating my work, and usually, the more I hate it, the better it is. But in this case, this story is truly miles above the level I’m writing at now.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head: when I was writing like crazy, I was not connected to the internet at Borders, and I’d be completely immersed. I’ve said before that I write better if I write fast, but… I didn’t realize HOW much better.
5K-10K days must be reinstated immediately.
I didn’t notice an up and down in your poetry. Sometime last year, I noticed you were suddenly SAYING something with your poetry. That was way cool!
Okay. Now I’m off to lick my wounds and do better tomorrow. Wait! I have to drive 8 hours tomorrow! Okay, Saturday, then.
Your ranting did help, by the way, because I see what the problem is! Thanks, Joey!
Well, if I did “hit the nail on the head,” then I will be glad to have been able to help. We shall see!
And yeah, if you didn’t notice a drop off in my poetry after “Patience” and “Inside a Poem with Sylvia Plath,” then we weren’t reading the same stuff. My poetry tends to come in sets or groups, usually between 3 and 5 works, and when I don’t like the “set” I’m (completely unintentionally) creating, I become rather depressed. Right now I’m not really writing enough to know whether I should be pleased or angry with myself, but I’m going to go ahead and call that a good thing, given how much other stuff I’m worried about.
And do let me know whether writing more/day does help, because if so, it will have to go into the pile of advice I’m saving up for when I finally begin writing TLI.
Go back to the mindset you had when you wrote those earlier books. See if you can recapture it, or figure out what’s changed. Then, fix it.
I know, I know. Easier said than done.
Susan, I think that’s exactly what I have to do. Except I wrote them when Glenn was home and making focusing on writing very easy for me.
When a particular segment of my writing is frustrating me, I switch to something else. If my blog writing is frustrating me (not really, but as an example), then I go to writing short stories. If I’m getting frustrated with my shorts, I move to one of my longer ones.
Basically, I have different types of writing to take a whack at when I get frustrated. However, I have been known to walk away from a story for two years before coming back to it.
Case in point: I wrote a story originally titled “Cedar Mountain Ecstasy”. Wrote myself into a corner and got writer’s block at the same time. Put it away in the Fall of ’07. Came back to it in the spring of ’08, and rewrote it from the beginning and completed it two and half months later.
My financial situation and deadlines aren’t allowing me to switch, but it’s a really good technique, Georgie!
To me, it sounds luxurious to spend that long!
I need to make a correction.
That story I walked away from in ’07, I came back to in ’09.
But I can understand how real life can through a wrench into the most meticulously thought out planes.
This is hard for me to believe. I wonder if it’s the thee years’ distance that makes it seem so much better. In three years you might look at what you’ve done recently and think the same thing.
It might be. I’m not convinced. But it’s a 4-book series and I’m on the fifth. I’m rereading all four books, and that should give me perspective on the fifth. For good or bad!
I look at some of my old work and feel the same way. My old writing seems smoother, more inspired. Probably that isn’t true. I’m just so far removed from it that it’s like the writing of someone else, and thus more interesting to the current me. At least that’s how I explain it.
I usually feel like that, Eric, but this time I’m convinced it’s true. Eek. We’ll see, I guess. I’m reading the next three books in the series, and when I get to number 5 again, I’ll find out!
Hi Natasha. Nothing to add to the comments regarding this particular post, except to say that Ia m really enjoying browsing through your adventures and admire how far you lept…:) Take care and I’ll continue browsing. All the best.
Lyle
Hi Lyle, nice to meet you! I have a music background too! (Classical piano.)
Thanks for popping by!
Are you writing a different kind of material? If so, that might be affecting your judgement on it’s quality.
Nah, this is #1 in the series and I’m working on #5.
*sigh*
What Edie and Eric said.
LOL, Michelle! I hope they’re right!
Well, it could be that you are measuring yourself against what sells? Writers will always have their insecurities, regardless of how good their present material is.
I can honestly say I am leagues better today than three years ago. My trunk novels are piling up and one of these days, I will hopefully get one that is “commercial”.
This is true, Jewel! I notice that I no longer struggle with, oh gosh, forgot what that’s called. You know, “He was eating” rather than “He ate.”
Passive!
Erm…not to barge in, but “he was eating” is past progressive, while “he ate” is preterite/”simple past.” Neither is passive voice, although some lame English teachers might describe “he was eating” as “passive writing.” Pfft. XD
LOL! I knew you’d fix it, Joey!
I haven’t seen Inglourious Basterds or District 9 yet, but I want to see both! I think the kiddos are going to their dad’s this weekend, so maybe I’ll just go to the movies. Not being a writer myself, I have absolutely no advice of value to give. Is pseudonym a big secret? I’d sure like to read some of your work! Or…maybe I have and just don’t know it!
I want to see both of those, too! And the Woodstock movie! I saw PostGrad yesterday, and it was charming!
I might have to escape my barricade this weekend, just to go to the movies!
So write badly. Blow out some really bad crap. Write so bad you’ll wince at the misused words, dangling participles and misguided plotting.
Go full steam turning out the garbage, get it out of your system and the beauty will return to your voice.
Think of it as clearing your throat. Push out the trash and you’ll find gold underneath.
LOL, I don’t have time for crap, Aimless! But I’ll keep writing.
You can’t fix a blank page!
Maybe you’re just tired of the series and need to either give it a rest or leave it altogether. I don’t think you’re getting worse; I think you don’t have the same voice you had five years ago.
Also, I think you’re thinking too much. Relax. Let it come and let it go.
I do think this is the last of this series, but I still love it.
It’s true about voice!
I’m re-reading them, and tackling this last one today.
Hmmm. I can see how this would put you in a panick freak-out mode, but try writing something new for a bit and go back to it. That might freshen it up. It might be ‘worse’ because it’s stale material for you. It might not be challenging enough. Or, perhaps you have said all you needed to say in that series. Perhaps your tastes have changed.
In any case, you aren’t a worse writer. If you wrote that well then, you can write that well now.
We’ll see, Written! I think I can fix most of it. I think I just need to feel the magic again! I’ve slipped into that spot where the world is so vivid to me, I’m not sharing its magic!
It seems impossible, yet I believe you if you say it. I like the idea of immersing yourself. Maybe there hasn’t been enough immersion. Go immerse. Right now. Immerse, damn you!
LOL, Robin! Immersing away. In fact, I’ve decided I want to just immerse myself in reading and writing for a whole year!
Natasha, I hope you can recapture what you had. I’m sure it’s frustrating to feel like the quality has diminished — maybe you’re overthinking things now?
Melanie, it’s coming back, I think!
Hi Natasha,
I completely get how you feel. I’m going through a rut myself. The muse has gone on a holiday and I don’t know if it’s ever coming back.
But we have to keep our spirits strong and keep our ears and eyes peeled for ANYTHING that’s worth more than a second’s worth of thought.
Best of luck in your writing!
Cheers,
Raven
Hate ruts, Raven. I’m with you! My life has been topsy-turvy this last year, so that might have something to do with it.
Thanks for popping by!