Natasha Fondren

My mind is perplexing. I swear everything I’ve written this summer, I stop and think, “Where the heck did this come from?”

No, that’s not really what I think, but I usually only swear in my mind. And look, I’ve already used two swear words and in a title, no less. I thought about changing it to “Crazy Arse Shoot,” but that’s just silly.

What I really stop and think is: “WTF?”

Then I sit there and think, “That’s weird.”

Then I think, “That doesn’t fit the genre.”

Then I think, “That doesn’t fit any genre.”

Then I think, “Normal people don’t go around imagining this stuff. Where the hell are you getting this stuff? What is wrong with you?”

And then I say, “Fuck it.”**

Ever feel like this when you’re writing?

* Sorry for the swear words. It doesn’t happen often.

** Sometimes it takes considerably longer to reach this stage than this post might imply. Sometimes it takes weeks. Sometimes months.

PS: Since we’re swearing today, check out this totally awesome song:

I keep skipping the work that makes me feel lazy. Problem is, there’s no skipping it. If you skip it, you don’t move ahead. If you skip it, you don’t get the story done.

So why can’t I do the lazy work without feeling massively guilty and unproductive?

the research

I once researched espionage for about ten months (one six-month stint and one four-month stint) over two years, before I realized that writing a spy thriller was not going to happen anytime soon.

So now, doing even a day of research freaks me out and makes me feel like I’m wasting time. I think I’m afraid that if I do research, I won’t write the book.

But, um… I can’t nail the book until I do the research. *sigh* I’m stuck!

The Simmering

Usually I set a story on simmer in my imagination while I’m writing the story or two before. Ideas percolate, the characters get real, and scenes start to bubble up to the surface.

But when the simmering process is incomplete and you don’t have another, mindless job to make you feel useful while your imagination is simmering…

…you have to watch the watched pot that feels like it will never boil.

I mean, it doesn’t make me feel like a productive member of society when I go, “YES! Finally! I dozed off and was in my story world!” Or even worse, “I DID IT! Days of imagining my story have paid off: I’ve finally had a dream in my main character’s point of view!”

And, to steal an example Laurell K. Hamilton recently cited: “I’m ROCKING now! I just put on winter coats in ninety degree weather because it’s winter in my book!”

Tangible Progress

Counting the words you wrote for the day makes me feel like I’ve made progress. Research doesn’t feel like progress. Thinking doesn’t feel like progress.

But it has to be done.

So how do you manage it? How do you not feel guilty when your word count doesn’t go up? Is this just my problem?