Natasha Fondren

Sometimes you latch on to stories when there’s nothing else to grab onto. Every time I do the dishes, I listen to the only CD I have on the road with me: the soundtrack of Hope Floats.

When the movie came out, I saw it a million times. I was really sick at the time, two years in and I thought I would never get better. (It took another five years.) It’s the only DVD release date that I knew and waited for and ran to the store the day it came out.

Hope Floats gave me hope at a time when I was out of hope.

So I was surprised, as I was doing the dishes the other day, that the lyrics to one of my favorite songs were so depressing.

Paper Wings
(Gillian Welch / David Rawlings)

Paper wings, all torn and bent
But you made me feel like they were heaven sent.
Paper wings, not real at all
But they took me high enough to really fall.
Your paper kisses, faded too soon
Just like a paper rose, beneath a paper moon.
Paper wings, paper wings
Oh how could I expect to fly with only paper wings.

Angels singing, didn’t you hear?
If only I’d listened close, when they whispered in my ear.
Paper wings, paper wings
Oh how could I expect to fly with only paper wings.
I tried to fly but found that I had only paper wings.

Here’s the song, if you want to listen to it as you read.

The singer strikes me as a little bitter at being inspired by just enough false hope to almost succeed but ultimately fail. At the end, she even seems a little upset with herself for her foolishness at believing she could fly.

I disagree with the song, as much as I love it. Sometimes paper wings can carry you to the next day, give you enough time to grow real ones.

 

(Paper Art by Helen Musselwhite)

I’ve finished over twenty longer works and I still get scared that I won’t be able to finish the next one. I thought that fear would fade, but it doesn’t. Maybe because I wasn’t able to finish my spy thriller, I’m having a bit of a battle with the fear that I won’t be able to finish this YA.

My readers really inspire and encourage me. At least Pseudie is having a new release in a few weeks, and that usually cheers me up, if I get reader mail. I hope so. It’s one of my favorites.

(Altered book by Brian Dettmer)

As I was checking out paper art to find an image of paper wings, I saw this castle. Isn’t this so beautiful you just want to die? The train tracks you see? They have a train. A train that works. Made of paper. Isn’t that beyond amazing?

(A Castle on the Ocean by Wataru Itou)

It took four years to make, FOUR YEARS!

Sometimes art is a long process filled with doubts. I have too much instant gratification in me. Writing is harder, the slower I write. I should start giving myself stickers or something to get me through, LOL.

I guess you have to hang on to your vision, hang onto any hope you can find, even if it’s paper wings. Or maybe hope doesn’t matter at all. Maybe it only matters that you just sit down and write, hope or not.

“[Momma] says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will…”

What gives you hope when you’re staring at your fears? How do you motivate yourself through the long work of writing a novel?