Natasha Fondren

Lemons and lemonade, pfffffffft. I’ve decided that sometimes life throws you lemons so that it’s easier to change said life.

Man, I swear, this month has been one thing after another, and I keep walking two hours every night and working out like crazy until I find my happy again, and then BAM! The next day, I get a pile of lemons thrown at me.

It’s unbelievable.

Worse, I thought I’d organized everything and put everything in order and planned for every surprise contingency, and BAM!—a ton of lemon crap to clean up again.

But it’s nothing, really. I always try to get perspective at times like this, which is easy because pretty much nothing is as bad as spending a decade sick and mostly in bed. See?

Life is good. I can workout three to five hours a day and I feel GREAT. I’ve never felt better or healthier in my entire life. I love where I am and who I am and what I’m doing. That is pretty much a blessing that people work their entire lives to achieve.

And I get to look at the stars every night. That’s a HUGE one for me. I’m outside at least three or four hours a day. I have cats that snuggle with me every night. I have the best best friend in the whole world. My niece is the coolest niece on the entire planet. I get to socialize with people every day.

I would just like to announce to the universe that it needn’t throw me anymore lemons. I learn quickly. I’m one of those people who change and change well. No motivation needed, but thank you kindly for the offer.

Happiness is a mindset, but man… sometimes you have to work like hell to get there.

Okay, tell me your year so far is going better than mine, please… ?

My solution for everything, now, is to change. (I know I skipped number two. It’s a little personal. Not that I mind sharing it, but it just sounds… pretentious.) So on to number three.

If I keep doing the same thing, I’m going to get the same result. Every time I’m mad or dissatisfied or upset or I don’t like how something in my life is, I force myself to change something. Anything.

Because that’s the only hope for changing the result.

I’m proud of all the change I made in my life last year. I love my life, and it’s very close to my ideal, but I’m not satisfied yet.

I used to hate change, but now I’m addicted to it.

What would happen if, every day, I changed something, some little thing? Something that will take me closer to the life I want?

What would you like to change this year? What little thing can you change today, to help bring that about?

I spent the morning reading through old blogposts for the year. Evidently, I really wanted a more peaceful life. (I got it.) And somehow, I knew change was in the air.

Biggest Disappointment: I really want a baby. Very badly. I’m not feeling much hope on that front, for health reasons, age reasons, private reasons, and health insurance reasons. I cry inside a little (or a lot), every time I see a child. I’m trying not to think about it for a year or so. I’m not succeeding.

I ended my piano studio on a kick-ass note. I decluttered, decluttered, and purged this year.

Number 1 Thing I’m Proud Of: After three (or more) years of contemplation, yearning, and restlessness, I am finally living outside the window. These are my new adventures. I bought, (broke), and fixed a camper.

Campground life in Ohio rocked. Except for Dish Day, which was a lot of work there. But I didn’t want to leave: I was close to my best friend and niece. I miss them daily. Especially my niece, who is turning three today!

Restlessness followed me to my first stop, but not to Arizona. Part of that restlessness was my foot; I’m dying to get back to Tae Kwon Do. The foot’s actually doing better, and I practice my kicks in the pool every day. As soon as I can run, I’m signing up.

I am disappointed I won’t get to Slab City for another year.

The trip across the US was exhilarating. Living in Arizona is like living in the Wild West. Border Patrol is BIG, here.

Number 1 Thing I’m Least Proud Of: On a related note, I’ve been wrangling with writing all year. I felt I was getting worse. I wish my word count had been better. I want writing to be easier and faster in 2010.

ADD has been a big challenge for me, probably because my lungs have been drowning, and lack of oxygen makes thinking even more difficult.

I decided to read 365 books from September 2009-2010. I am about thirty books behind, but I’m thrilled that reading has become a bigger part of my life than Facebook and blogging, LOL. (Although I miss the socializing!)

At the beginning of the year, I was moved to tears at Obama’s inauguration. Near the end of the year, I was heartbroken over the prejudice against same-sex marriage.

And finally, my favorite and most self-inspiring post of the year is There’s No Traffic On the Extra Mile. For the thing that was most hard for me to write this year, I went twenty extra miles to get it done. (Seriously, swear to God, it was so challenging for me that I just went crazy, doing about eighty times the work it called for, and that’s probably an under-estimation.) And I’m tickled pink that it ended really well, being one of the things I’m most proud of.

Overall, it was a year of big changes, probably the biggest of my life thus far. I miss my niece and best friend. I can breathe better here, and I’m learning how to control my asthma. I think it’s a year I can be proud of.

How was your 2009? What are you most proud of? Least? What’s your verdict?