What’s Your Version?
The older I get, the more I can’t help but think of that saying, “Life sucks and then you die.” I’m not being depressing, truly. It’s just that life is full of hardness and heartbreak, and I look around and don’t know how people survive.
I’m really not certain why I’m coming to this conclusion now, because I’m loving my life more than I ever have.
My life in my thirties? So. Awesome.
So I really don’t know why I keep looking around now and thinking, “Life sucks and then you die.” Watching people lose loved ones, or love people who don’t love them back, or struggle through illness… it just all seems so hard and sad. (Even though we’ve all done those things and survived just fine.)
On the flip side, life seems sweeter. When two people manage to fall in love and have a loving marriage—wow, what a miracle. Or when a child is born—my heart breaks in a happy way just thinking about it. Or, you know, sometimes just a lizard running across your patio. 
A friend was bored, so she wanted to go to the theater. We saw “Barney’s Version,” and it’ll make you laugh, cry, and think. Best-written movie I’ve seen in a long time. Apparently it’s based on a novel, which I MUST read.
Here’s the trailer, which doesn’t really do it justice:
In a way, it was a happy ending, depending on how you interpret it. I think the point was that, as “Barney’s Version,” it was a happy ending. The way we see our histories is as interesting as what they actually were.
It’s funny, I’ve been really looking forward to summer, because I love the lizards and I had so much fun discovering the summer desert. I was telling someone how much I loved summer here last year, but then I realized: my old camper was really hot, it leaked during the monsoons, I had asthma attacks that made me unable to work for 3-5 days a week, and I was miserable.
And yet all I remember is the lizards and the walks and the desert and all that made me happy, and I can’t wait for summer again. Truly, though, my new camper won’t have any of those problems, and I have asthma meds and two jobs I love. So the summer is going to be awesome.
Do you tend to see your history through rose-colored glasses and gloss over the bad stuff? Or do you remember the bad stuff as much as the good stuff? The bad stuff more than the good? Or do you remember it exactly as it was?
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Natasha Fondren is an eBook developer, writer, and classical pianist. After a fifteen-year piano teaching career, she moved to Arizona and built a book design business. She enjoys the lizards and desert heat in Arizona with her Border Collie, Padfoot, and her cat, Dixie Doodle.
Natasha, that movie looks fantastic. I’m not a Paul Giamatti fan, but I’m definitely going to see it. I’m certain it’s a moving piece.
Most of the time I can see the good. All the little that makes life grand, the blessings and worth. But there *are* times when stuff is tough (especially when I’m dwelling over a still-recent loss in my life), and I have that straight-forward, realistic view that we live and then we die, and then our life on earth is over, and how unfair is that?
I think the truth on which we should focus is somewhere in the middle. Both practicality *and* wonder.
Janna,
I don’t much like him, either, but he was perfect for this part. The movie really made me think about things. Life is tough for all of us, that’s for sure.
I so agree with you on the little things. They are such blessings.
Lovely post, Natasha and I really want to see that film – I love Paul Giamatti.
It’s funny, but I tend to remember the bad about my childhood – my sister remembers almost everything as better than I remember it – but as an adult, I generally only remember the good.
Janna, I lost my dad last December, so I’ve been thinking the same as you – “we live and then we die, and then our life on earth is over, and how unfair is that?” But no matter how much I think it, I just can’t feel it. It just seems… outrageous and, yes, unfair. (And weirdly, since my dad died, my childhood memories have been changing too – it definitely is ALL open to interpretation!)
He did a great job in the movie, Keris!
That’s interesting, Keris. I’m not so great at remembering… everything is cloudy. I think it’s partly from when I was sick, and partly from not wanting to relive the painful. I don’t know. That’s sorta fascinating, the difference between childhood and adulthood.
*hugs* about your father.
For the most part, I try to ignore my past, because most of it was not good. Now, I just try to find what is positive in the moment and not think about what came before unless there is some echo of it in the present that I need to attend to. (ie, “Hey, you’ve been down this road before and you know how it ends, so stop before you do it again!”)
Otherwise, just try to find the blessings in TODAY. There are usually more than appears at a first glance.
But you could also say how I interpret things depends on the time of the month.
I hope your summer is every bit as awesome (and even more) than you want it to be.
The time of the month is VERY influential, LOLOL! At least for me.
Yeah. I sometimes look back, mostly to my twenties, and I realize how very much I would’ve given to be even a quarter as healthy as I am today. I feel SO lucky to be where I am now.
I don’t often think of my life as blessed as it really is. I catch myself whining a lot and get mad at myself, but then I go ahead and do it again another day. Right now, for me, life is very damn good.
Me too. Except I love whining and never get mad at myself for doing it.
From dancing desk to life sucks and then you die? I might suggest the Kinks Where Have All the Good Times Gone for that feeling.
I think good and bad memories stick in my mind equally but which I tend to think about depends on whether I’m in a good or bad mood. There are bad memories, like going to the office, that I thankfully never have to face again. On the other hand I remember people who are gone, or things I can no longer do. It is a mixed bag.
I fear that the “people who are gone” part tilts life to the negative side but that’s the human condition rather than just my own life. Life, at least after we become adults, life is pretty much a process of loss. I think of a more philosophical Kinks song which no one ever heard, Scattered.
Hah!!! Yeah.
I’m actually was in a good mood, just realizing how difficult life is for us humans.
And yes. The deaths have begun. I know that sounds callous, but I remember when I was the only person who had a parent who’d died. Now I’m normal, and that makes me very sad.
I think I tend to view the past in a Buddhist sense that life is dukkha. It changes. The happiest times don’t stay; the misery doesn’t stay. I tend to view the awful times as something I survived and hopefully learned from. I try to appreciate the times of peace.
That’s a good way to look at it, Erica! It’s very true. Although I’m really hoping life just gets better from here on out.
I tend to remember most things as they were, but I tend to have a revisionist history of things that were physically brutal. Looking back at the renovations we did, all I remember is the huge sense of accomplishment. Somehow the bruises, aches, squalid living conditions, and almost killing the Architect with an out-of-control 2×10 have melted into the far distance of my recollections.
Interesting, Avery! LOL! Yeah, I hardly remember how difficult it was to live in my old camper!
WHAT? I never heard this story!!!!
My memories are so unusual and I can make no sense as to why I remember the the things I do yet forget things that everyone around me can remember. I remember a few key events, but have forgotten so much that surrounds them. Makes me sad and relieved at the same time. lol.
Sounds like an interesting movie. Will remember to check it out when it hits OnDemand.
Fascinating! Yeah, it’s a blessing to forget some stuff, for sure. It’s a really great movie, and I don’t even like the main actor, although he does a great job in this.
Hmm…this is a GREAT question. I think in all aspects of my life I remember both. It’s important to remember both. Dwelling on the tough/sad parts of your history make you more appreciative and compassionate. Remembering the good parts helps you recreate similar successes and feel really proud of what you’ve accomplished and experienced. Some Zen Buddhists actually pray for suffering because it gives you depth and compassion and richness…certainly a different outlook than the entitlement culture we live in today!
You’re right, it is! And it’s true… the hard bits in my life have made me love and cherish and get SUCH enjoyment from the little things. I remember, as a little girl, watching an ant crawl on a piece of grass and thinking how lucky I was that I could get so much enjoyment from that.
I missed that movie! I’m so bummed!
I think you’re going to have a wonderful summer in your new camper. I’m excited for you!
I’m sort of a live in the present, dread the future sort of person. The past always seems blurry to me. My mom is the queen of seeing the past through rose colored glasses. I thought my dad did it, too, but I just visited my parents in Boston and told them about Alex’s new adventures with pot. (Just shoot me.) My dad said, “Robin – he’s our revenge on you.” Guess he’s not forgetting the good ol’ days!
You MUST see it, Robin! It was the best movie I’ve seen this year… at least in terms of making me think and effecting me.
Hahahaha! That’s hilarious. Oh boy. That sounds like a blast. NOT!