On Ticking-Clock Fantasies
I do love my job. Today’s to-do list consists of watching the 2005 BBC miniseries Bleak House for research, finishing my eBook Formatting and Design website, and outlining what I’ve already written in my current WIP.
Pretty awesome.
The latest turn of my ticking-clock hormones is that I’m fantasizing about being in a kitchen. Like in a home. Like with kids chattering and homework on the table and making dinner.
It’s like an obsession.
The other one is big holiday and family dinners. And Christmas cookies. I want to make loads of Christmas cookies.
It’s so freakin’ weird.
I have also hit the stage where I burst into tears every time I see a baby or toddler or children and want to kiss them all. I sit in Borders trying to write, and half the time I stare out the window as the kids hop by.
It’s weird being a woman. Honestly. You’re taught as you grow up to be career-oriented and to put off kids and to be independent (Read: alone.) and for god’s sake avoid men who want you barefoot and pregnant.
And here I am in my thirties and my heart is DYING to be barefoot and pregnant and cooking in the kitchen. I don’t have kids yet, and I’m already praying for grandchildren.
WTF?
I am actually excited about an upcoming WIP. It’s definitely in the shiny stage. It’ll be interesting to see how it executes or if it works at all. I hope it writes quickly. And I’m thrilled with my eBook business. I enjoy coding and arranging and designing.
Life is too short to accept consolation prizes, though. I’ll make my family, one way or another. I’m just a little nervous is all, what with how quickly time flies by.
Any strange fantasies you have? Or had, if your clock ever ticked?
12 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
Natasha Fondren is a writer traveling the U.S. in a camper with her four cats. She is currently enjoying the lizards and desert heat in Arizona.
My ticking clock fantasy involves me, a pen, a long line of eager readers, and a table at bookstore with a stack of novels with my name on the spine.
That’s not a bad one!
I think we must be in opposite orbits…sometimes I fantasize about being by myself again without so many people in the house to take care of! The grass is always greener, right?
LOL!
Definitely, Darcy! I’m nervous about that, LOL!
I’ve had the family before I was ready. But it all worked out. All I can say to you, Natasha, is to go for it! I’m guessing you have a plan brewing in your head and a timetable–as far as you can for these things. You’ll do it. I know you will.
I will, Edie! I do have a plan. It might be me and turkey baster, but hey, I’m okay with that.
I never wanted kids when I was young, then for about a decade or so, from like 35-45, suddenly I sort of wanted a kid. My husband is eleven years older than I am, my brother is forty and single, my mother has no siblings and I haven’t seen my father since I was five. I have very little family, no close family my generation or younger except my single-and-childless brother, and my closest realspace friends are two states away. (And on the west coast, that means something.) I’ll admit I’m afraid of finding myself old and all alone.
My husband and I stopped using birth control during that time, but nothing happened. At that point, a couple of years ago, I was 45 and realistically it’d be incredibly stupid for me to have a first kid now — the chances of serious health complications for both me and a baby are unacceptably high — so we’re back to taking precautions. That’s the way the world works, and I’ll learn to live with it.
I was always of two minds about kids anyway. On the one hand, I get kind of gooey at the thought of having a child of my own, and fantasize about things we’d do, things I’d teach her, watching him grow up and explore the world and accomplish things. On the other hand, I am middle aged, I’m bipolar and have other health issues, and it’d be really hard for me to be a good mom every day. So I tell myself it’s for the best.
I don’t know, maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. But it’s the only option I have right now. I have a good life and a wonderful husband; I’m better off than a lot of people, so that’ll have to do.
Angie
I hear the fear, Angie. I’ve always wanted a family. I lost ten years in there. Well, near fifteen.
Oh well. It’s not so much about dying alone that I worry about; it’s I fear I will lose the thing I want most in my life if I don’t have kids.
None quite this strange. at least it would be strange for me.
It is rather weird for me, LOL!
“It’s weird being a woman. Honestly. You’re taught as you grow up to be career-oriented and to put off kids and to be independent (Read: alone.) and for god’s sake avoid men who want you barefoot and pregnant.
And here I am in my thirties and my heart is DYING to be barefoot and pregnant and cooking in the kitchen. I don’t have kids yet, and I’m already praying for grandchildren.”
-I sooo understand what you are saying here – this is a VERY true point for our generation!!!
Totally!