Lost: Mojo and Confidence
Well, so, I have a piano student. He’s ten. He asked. With big brown eyes. I’m happy to teach him. The father insisted on paying, but I wasn’t going to charge them, so I quoted a figure $40 an hour cheaper than my rate, LOL. When I was ten, my neighbor taught me for free. So I figure this is just turnaround. 
It was fun! I enjoyed it.
Sadly, the best thing about it was that I’m so confident about teaching. I know exactly what to do. I feel good at teaching. I don’t have that confidence or feeling of success with writing. I did before. What happened to it?
I haven’t really felt that confident this whole year. I don’t know what’s up. I’m fairly certain I made the right decision, but I think I underestimated how hard it is on the ego to change what has been your identity for thirty years.
I sort of lost my writing confidence somewhere in that.
And I miss my friends. I miss Taekwondo especially.
I can remember plenty of writing sessions where I just sat down and kicked ass. I can’t remember a single one, lately.
I’ve lost my mojo. I feel like I’ve lost myself. I don’t know.
You know, honestly, it’s not just this year. I changed a bit when I hurt my foot. It’s like my Achille’s freakin’ heel, I swear. Seriously, I can pinpoint a ton of things that changed for the worse in my life to that moment. I need it to get better and I need to get back to Taekwondo, and then everything will be better. I hope. I don’t know.
I can pivot now, so that’s a big improvement. I just can’t run and jump. I haven’t tried kicking a target yet. *sigh*
Eek, I hate when I’m moody. Glenn left for Alaska a couple weeks ago, so I think I’m feeling a little lonely.
I’m sorry it took me so long to respond to your comments last week. My computer broke, then I was getting a new one set up and all this other junk. A mess. (I always respond before my next post, at the latest. I think. LOL!) Anyways…
Have you ever lost your mojo? How’d you get it back? Where do you draw confidence from? Where do you get your identity? Have you ever… changed it? What gives you confidence in your writing? Your life?
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Natasha Fondren is a writer traveling the U.S. in a camper with her four cats. She is currently enjoying the lizards and desert heat in Arizona.
I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same after the fire, but then I began to think no my mojo sagged even before the fire. I have been slowly getting it back lately but I have been in this fight for a decade and I am a bit weary after getting kicked in the teeth for so long, but it is also an addiction i can’t stop trying to satisfy.
Keep your head up and eventually it will return to the way it used to be. at least that is what I keep telling myself.
Good to know I’m not alone, Travis. I’ll do that. It sure helps to have writing friends!
I hope you’re right!
I think the more I know and read, and the more awed I am by other people’s writing (because I know more, lol), the more I feel less confident about my writing. And I write much slower than I used to. The internet is partly to blame. (I’m got too many friends! But I’m not giving them up.) It’s back to the “I know more now” thing. I write slower because when I write crap, I often know it and I stop to fix it.
I don’t know many writers who are always confident about their writing. I think self-doubt comes with the job. It keeps us trying to write better, and that’s a good thing.
That’s a good point, Edie. It is good. It’s just I think I’ve swung too far to the un-confident side. I need to kick ass again. I can definitely see I wrote better a year or two or three ago.
Self-doubt is useful, though!
I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I hope teaching helps pick you back up. It’s amazing what finding a sense of purpose can do for your self-esteem. I’ve found that by working again.
I’ve defintitely felt a lot of mojolessness in the past year and I’ve really struggled to get back to my writing. I recently have gone back to my wip and had ONE good editing session. I’m hopeful it’s a sign of more to come.
Thanks, Melanie! I only plan on teaching the one student, but yeah. I need to feel the purpose again, I guess.
I hope that it is a good sign! Good luck!
Oh my! I wish someone would tell me how to get my confidence back. Heck, I’m like Edie — I’ve been reading so much more and it all intimidates me. And I can see how you miss the Taekwando. It’s been years since I could run and I really feel the loss. When I was getting started writing seriously I was running, going out to races. Made me feel great. Maybe Glenn leaving has something to do with it. And you have made big changes. I don’t know what to suggest. Me…I’m just waiting for Mary to kick my ass.
It makes a difference, Eric! I actually thought of you and your running when I wrote this. It’s true, losing something like that really changes how you feel.
I miss that feeling-great bit.
Yeah. I think I’m just… unsettled. I don’t know. Things’ll straighten out soon, I suppose! I hope!
Now you sound like me. Have some caffeine and get back to work! That’s an order!
LOL, Mark! I’m pretty sure you’re not as much of an Eeyore as I feel, lately.
But back to work I go! 
I have lost mine, more than once. One thing that happens to me is when I change my routine in a big way. That often pulls me to a stop for a while and makes progress slow. That may well be what’s going on with you.
Aw… ((hugs)). I do know that feeling – I’ve had it for quite a while now. For me, I think it has to do with aging and realizing that I just can’t do as much anymore, and my hands are becoming more and more arthritic and tired.
You’ve been through a lot in the past year – it’s bound to cause some second thoughts and doubts. But also try to remember all you’ve accomplished as well. You have been an inspiration to many people, myself included.
Really, Kate? Awww, that’s great. You know just what to say!
Eek, about the hands! That’s my nightmare!
I wish I could take all the confidence I have in you, bottle it up, mail it in bubble rap, and you could pour it on your corn flakes. It would taste really good.
I feel terrible about your poor foot. That stinks. (Oh. Pun. Ha? Ha?) When you can’t do an activity you love, it takes a big chunk out of self satisfaction. I’m so glad you’re having fun teaching your little brown eyed neighbor. As to your writing – it’s wonderful. You’ll get your mojo back.
I say, swim, cup of tea, stretching session, and write your little head off.
Aw, Robin, you’re the best! Yeah, I had a cup of tea last night. Every time I’m down, I have some of the tea you sent me. Yummy stuff! Always perks me up!
I go do something else. Piano is as good as anything. You’re on the right track.
Cut yourself a break, too. That’ll help. It’s summmmer. Relaaaaxxxx.
LOL, Betsy! Relaxing sounds fun! I’ve been going to lots of movies lately.
Oh, Natasha, you know I had mojo-missing problems awhile back. And you know who got me through it? YOU! by telling me to protect my work, do the five minute sprint, and…and always reminding myself that I’m a great writer. So there.
Moving on…
You are a great writer! It’s in your blood. When you sweat, it covers your skin. It invades your dreams, both while sleeping and awake. Whenever you look at something you always say, “Hmm, what’s up with that? Wonder what HIS deal is?” etc. And many times whatever you see reminds you of your story.
And your doubts only prove that you are, indeed, a writer. So, suck it up and enjoy the self-pity party – it’s the nature of the beast.
P.S. ((HUGS)) Hope you’re feeling better soon.
I’m so glad you got through it, Kath!
And thanks for your nice words! Yeah. It helps to be reminded. 
And you know, LOL, I had to laugh! I do rather enjoy a self-pity party now and then!
I love self-pity parties, too, especially if they’re serving margaritas.
Hugs, Natasha. I wonder if it’s a combination of things. You’ve had a difficult and disruptive years. Plus, this is a hard, tough business. I don’t know how you get your mojo back. But I do think you should say to yourself, “Of course, I can do it. Why shouldn’t I be able to do it? Of course, I can do it.” Because, of course, you can! xo
I’m sorry you’re not feeling 100%. I think we all go through those times–I know I have, at least. I’ve found that I just need to not worry about anything. I need to just enjoy life, have fun, perhaps.