All Alone in the World
If you’re my Facebook friend, this won’t be news to you: Glenn and I split up after ten years. It’s been a year-long process, but everything was wrapped up and finished today. Emotionally, we did a really good job of ending it. No fights or insults or uglinesses.
I felt like I moved on in January or so, but a lot of his stuff was still here, so it didn’t feel as over as it was. I’m a minimalist and live in a small space, so it is a big difference to feel his stuff gone.
What’s weird is that with his stuff gone and two of my cats gone, I suddenly feel, to myself, like the person I was ten years ago. It’s almost as if the last ten years didn’t happen, except I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and teach a bunch of piano students.
It’s good.
Now I’m just working hard to save money so that I can have children. Loving the ebook production world, and trying to write enough so that I can pay all the bills with my royalties by January 2013.
Of course I want it all: husband, kids, love, sex, happy ever after. I’m real healthy and doing yoga—I feel in the best shape of my life—so I have a good amount of time left, but I can’t putz around. The new-fangled dating world isn’t for me, honestly. I’m focused on creating my happy ever after, and if a guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet, then a.w.e.s.o.m.e.
If not, then I can do most of it myself. I’ll make an awesome mom. My whole life has been preparing for this.
Isn’t it funny? If I could talk to my 20-year-old self, she’d be appalled that I’m not a full-time musician anymore and that all I want with my whole heart is a family.
I’m a little bit scared, but mostly excited. I’ve never wanted anything this much in my life. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get it. But then I’ve always been better at getting what I want if I don’t have a backup plan.
Have you been through a big split? Huge life change? Any advice?
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Natasha Fondren is a writer traveling the U.S. in a camper with her four cats. She is currently enjoying the lizards and desert heat in Arizona.
Oh, dearest, the stories I could tell you, lol… Yes, I’ve been through two big splits, as you know, and I’m heading for a big life change in about 7 months (my wedding, Son going off to the Marines). I guess the best advice I could give is to “just keep swimming”, like Dory says in Finding Nemo.
This is true, Elizabeth! You are SO strong!
And YAY about your wedding! I’m so excited for you!
Wow. You’ve had some big changes. Are you still in Arizona? I think as long as you’re looking for love, you’ll find it. You’ve got so many qualities that I believe you’ll find what you’re looking for.
Kudos on being strong enough to see that things weren’t working out and having the strength to change them. Some people get so swept up in thier routines, that they never stop to realize things aren’t going the way they planned. It takes a strong person to see that and move on.
Stay strong. Hopefully I’ll see you in AZ when I get back out there
I think I’ll be here a long time, Christina! I hope so. The dating world is just a little bit too much for me. It’s so strange. I find someone interesting, and then I read the answers to their questions, and they expect to have sex after 1-2 dates. I’m much slower than that. I love sex as much as the next person, but I haven’t even opened up much to a person after 1-2 dates!
It is hard to change, but I started a bunch of change 2 years ago, and I’m not stopping until I get my life exactly as I want it. It’s been stressful, though!
I’m glad things are going well, all things considered, and good for you both on keeping it civil.
I had a major tectonic upheaval in my life back in ’90. I quit my job, spent my retirement cash-out (about 11K at the time, so not a huge amount, but still all I had) and ran up all my credit card, then moved out of state with someone I shouldn’t have trusted. He put me through the wringer financially and emotionally. I flew home (with my mom paying for a one-way ticket) with a suitcase half full of T-shirts and underpants (that he packed) and a bandage on my wrist. He promised to send my things — a lifetime of possessions, including my computer with all my writing, all my needlework projects, the wall unit my (then deceased) grandfather had built for me, and thousands of books, among other things — but never did. He moved out of our old apartment without a word and I never got anything back.
Talk about starting from scratch. [wry smile] It was all uphill from there, seriously, and I ended up married to THE perfect guy for me, out of all the men in the world. I have regrets still, about some of the lost things, when I think about it, but one moves on. As the campaign says in another context, it gets better.
Hugz,
Angie
Angie, in some ways, we always had a good relationship. Wow, Angie, that’s a lot of change! Oh man, that sucks how it ended. Wow. I guess it’s worth it to end up with the perfect guy, but wow. That sure is a wringer, all right!
Hugs,
Natasha
I divorced a few years ago, then remarried to Lana not long after. it was a traumatic time but I’ve come out of it stronger emotionally. Luck with everything.
Wow, Charles. That’s really pretty awesome, though. You guys seem super suited to each other. Thanks!
Tough times, but exciting. I was just past forty when my marriage went up in flames. This was a relationship that had been going on for twenty years. Most painful thing I ever went through. Also the divorce destroyed me financially. However, it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I emerged pretty much a new person. I got to do stuff I would never have considered during the marriage. I ended up publishing some fiction, supporting myself without having to trudge in to an office and punch a clock, and of course, I met Mary. So I hope you’re as fortunate. From what’s going on it sounds like that’s going to be the case.
It seemed that for you, it was a super traumatic but super good for you, in the long run. Those are a lot of awesome changes! Sometimes, if we don’t change on our own, life forces it on us. I try to change ahead of the forcing, now.
I hope things turn out as well for me. I’m working as hard as I can. I hope I’m lucky!
When stuff like this happens, the trick is getting off the floor and moving on, hoping you’ve learned some valuable life lessons.
You’re right, Tom!
Wow, Tasha…lots of change for you! Major change is difficult because it almost always involves the death of something significant. In all living beings, cells must die in order to make room for the new cells of growth.
It’s wonderful that you are acknowledging the difficulty of this. It’s tempting to look at a change you intellectually know is healthy and good and say, “I should be happy; why am I feeling all of this apprehension and grief?” There IS grief in any major change, even if it’s a great change.
Facing a huge life change requires bravery, a big leap of faith. Having a child was mine. I will tell you that in my experience, the things that I value the most highly in my life – my career, my husband, my children – required, by far, the hugest emotional risks and leaps of faith. But I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
So….go for it, darlin’! You are going to make one AMAZING mom. XO