A Recipe for Love
A friend of a friend has something like three ingredients for the guy she wants to marry: first, that he can stay on one of those fake bull-riding things; second, that he has a job; and third… I forget the third.
It sorta cracks me up because whenever I talk with my best friend, she’s always saying things like, “I have to remember to tell my daughter to marry someone who is ____.” And every now and then, we’ll add another condition to the list.
(Let’s just say our standards are a little higher than the bull-riding girl’s. Although I assume she’s joking or she’d be married to someone with his jeans hanging below his butt crack by now.)
I did the power dating thing for a while, but it eventually tripped my stubborn button: I refuse to go out on another excruciatingly boring date. Not. Going. To. Happen. I have so much more fun by myself. Why ruin my fun?
I used to want to be with someone because when I’m happy or excited or enthusiastic about something, it’s even more fun to share it with someone else—but it doesn’t really work that way.
At least 70% of the fun I have, I couldn’t really share with a guy. Most of my activities and Groupon adventures are female-oriented. After that, I have sort of archaic passions (classical music, etymology, languages, story…), that it’s unlikely I’ll find someone who shares them. Although I do get excited about learning new things.
So I’m curious:
How much do you share with your partner? Do you spend a lot of time together doing things you both love? Which interests did you guys bring separately to the relationship? And if you have a daughter, what list of standards did you try to imprint on her?
9 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
Natasha Fondren is a writer traveling the U.S. in a camper with her four cats. She is currently enjoying the lizards and desert heat in Arizona.
What is it with women and making lists of the traits they want in men? I’ve NEVER heard of a man doing that. But I hear of women doing it all the time.
LOL! Really? You should see the lists on dating sites. Women make lists of qualities, like “kind, patient, happy,” etc. Men, on the other hand, say things like, “loves motorcycles, petite, brown hair, etc…”
Lana and I have a LOT of things in common, our love of nature and our politics and general outlook on life. We have different tastes in music and TV, although there is a fair amount of overlap so we can come together to watch certain shows. We also are both OK with spending time alone working on our creative projects so that is great. We constantly touch base with each other but then go off to our respective rooms to write or create. It’s a really good relationship for both of us.
Those are great things to have in common! That is a really good rhythm and relationship. I’m envious (in a good way)!
Oh I LOVE this thread! What a great question. I think it’s important to have SOME things in common – a sense of humor about the same kinds of things, similar cultural/artistic interests, similar basic values and ideals. This gives you common ground on which to connect. You DO need that.
Having said that, David and I have our own things – and I believe that this makes our marriage stronger. It can be easy to lose yourself in a relationship, esp. a long-term one. Preserving your own interests and having your own time to yourself makes you better for the other person. David and I belong to different churches. We each adore our faith communities, and have grown and been enriched by the freedom to go to our place of choice. I can guarantee you that if one of us had to go to the other’s church in the name of marital conformity, that person would be highly resentful and unhappy. Our kids have been baptized in David’s Christian church and dedicated in my Unitarian one. I think it’s going to be amazing for them to have exposure to two faith traditions.
David does not like rock music and pretty much only listens to classical. I love Lady Gaga and Ke$ha and 3rd Eye Blind. He loves football, I’d rather watch paint dry. He loves Shakespeare; I just can’t get into it. We definitely have our differences. But I celebrate those. A relationship is made up of two different people!
An important thing I left out: both partners have to be respectful of the other’s differences for this to work! David and I actually celebrate the other’s need to attend a different church. It makes for very stimulating discussion on Sundays – but this could potentially be a divisive issue if the two people don’t handle it with love and respect.
That is WONDERFUL, Darcy! And you’re so right! That’s amazing.
That is a big difference, but a wonderful difference and freedom you have in your marriage! I think that’s awesome. And it’s wonderful for kids to grow up realizing they need to think and then choose, rather than blindly follow, you know? I love Lady Gaga! And I’d rather watch paint dry, too! LOL!
Oh! And a guy from the park wanted to teach me how to play chess. I was just like, um… yeah, I don’t really want to. To really learn to play chess would just take so much time (and I can’t do things halfway), and… I just don’t want to. I think he was a little affronted, LOL!