Paper Wings
Sometimes you latch on to stories when there’s nothing else to grab onto. Every time I do the dishes, I listen to the only CD I have on the road with me: the soundtrack of Hope Floats.
When the movie came out, I saw it a million times. I was really sick at the time, two years in and I thought I would never get better. (It took another five years.) It’s the only DVD release date that I knew and waited for and ran to the store the day it came out.
Hope Floats gave me hope at a time when I was out of hope.
So I was surprised, as I was doing the dishes the other day, that the lyrics to one of my favorite songs were so depressing.
Paper Wings
(Gillian Welch / David Rawlings)Paper wings, all torn and bent
But you made me feel like they were heaven sent.
Paper wings, not real at all
But they took me high enough to really fall.
Your paper kisses, faded too soon
Just like a paper rose, beneath a paper moon.
Paper wings, paper wings
Oh how could I expect to fly with only paper wings.Angels singing, didn’t you hear?
If only I’d listened close, when they whispered in my ear.
Paper wings, paper wings
Oh how could I expect to fly with only paper wings.
I tried to fly but found that I had only paper wings.
Here’s the song, if you want to listen to it as you read. 
The singer strikes me as a little bitter at being inspired by just enough false hope to almost succeed but ultimately fail. At the end, she even seems a little upset with herself for her foolishness at believing she could fly.
I disagree with the song, as much as I love it. Sometimes paper wings can carry you to the next day, give you enough time to grow real ones.
(Paper Art by Helen Musselwhite)
I’ve finished over twenty longer works and I still get scared that I won’t be able to finish the next one. I thought that fear would fade, but it doesn’t. Maybe because I wasn’t able to finish my spy thriller, I’m having a bit of a battle with the fear that I won’t be able to finish this YA.
My readers really inspire and encourage me. At least Pseudie is having a new release in a few weeks, and that usually cheers me up, if I get reader mail. I hope so. It’s one of my favorites.
(Altered book by Brian Dettmer)
As I was checking out paper art to find an image of paper wings, I saw this castle. Isn’t this so beautiful you just want to die? The train tracks you see? They have a train. A train that works. Made of paper. Isn’t that beyond amazing?
(A Castle on the Ocean by Wataru Itou)
It took four years to make, FOUR YEARS!
Sometimes art is a long process filled with doubts. I have too much instant gratification in me. Writing is harder, the slower I write. I should start giving myself stickers or something to get me through, LOL.
I guess you have to hang on to your vision, hang onto any hope you can find, even if it’s paper wings. Or maybe hope doesn’t matter at all. Maybe it only matters that you just sit down and write, hope or not.
“[Momma] says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will…”
What gives you hope when you’re staring at your fears? How do you motivate yourself through the long work of writing a novel?
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Natasha Fondren is a writer traveling the U.S. in a camper with her four cats. She is currently enjoying the lizards and desert heat in Arizona.
You brought back memories. When I was recovering from an operation in the 90s, I listened to Eric Clapton’s Unplugged album, over and over for a few weeks. It’s blues, so it wasn’t chirpy, but some of the songs are very sensual. I know it helped get me through my recovery.
We had Galaxy Quest on either a video or a DVD back then — I think video. My husband and I watched it a number of times during my recovery. Every time I see it on cable now, it gives me a good feeling. I still enjoy it.
I think the only way to motivate yourself is by doing it. But I’m lucky to be on a couple of groups with people who inspire me. I have awesome role model friends all over the internet. You’re one of them.
Edie,
Wow. I’ve been doing the exact same thing with Eric Clapton since my 2 surgeries. I’m completely addicted to that album (though my hubbie and kid are now sick of it.) I love the songs, even the slower version of Layla, which fits my rhythm right now!!! I dance to them and have to play the album on the sly when everybody’s gone.
Natasha,
When I need to get through something, I usually have to watch some Pride and prejudice with Colin Firth. Those burning eyes and that supercilious attitude can take your mind off nearly anything. Or Persuasion with Ciaran Hinds. Take me out of this decade and make things simple again–with a happy ending.
Amy, I still love Clapton’s Unplugged album. I’m going to play it again today.
Edie, I hear you! Isn’t it funny how music sticks with you like that? It can be a lifesaver.
Oddly, I’ve also had pieces I played while sick, and even though I’m not sick anymore, I’ll gasp for air and get exhausted and rally myself up in all the same places. It’s like I practiced my illness into the piece. (Or dealing with it, at least. LOL!)
Oooh, that’s a good one, Amy! I had the VHS tapes, but I don’t have a copy anymore. I need to Netflix it. One needs a dose of Colin Firth every year, at least!
That castle is beyond amazing. Human beings are amazing. Sheesh.
I’m always giving myself the pep talk, “There’s always tomorrow. Don’t sweat it.” Tomorrow seems all shiny with possibilities to me. Unfortunately, lately it is shiny with naps. I need to stop napping so much.
Robin, that is the truth! Tomorrow scares me. Days fly by! Way too quickly!
I sleep too long to nap, lately.
I used to LOVE Hope Floats. I had it on VHS and used to watch it all the time, but that was one that didn’t get switched to DVD. Maybe I need to get that. I especially love that quote.
How do I motivate myself when I’m scared? Sheesh, what a loaded question.
I try to figure out what it is I really want, and then figure out what I need to do to get it. The trick is figuring out what I want, as opposed to what everyone else thinks I should want.
I agree — the castle is beautiful.
Me too, Melanie! I never got the DVD, either. I’m suddenly in the mood to watch it.
Isn’t that hard? I’m way too influencable, so it’s really hard for me to figure out what I want, when I hear others. It’s one of the reasons I only give out my stories for critiques after it’s completely done.
What a beautiful post. Thank you so much for writing it!! As far as motivation – I guess for me it is the end goal. I know that in order to have a chance at getting to the end goal, then I have to do what it takes to get there. I know that is not very inspiring. I’m more motivated to do things right before I go to sleep – it’s when I wake up that I’m not as motivated. Seeing other people accomplish things also inspires me. And I guess the fear of what would happen if I didn’t do something also motivates me. I also was fortunate to have great role models – my mom and dad in particular – there was not much sitting around and lazing with them – they were always doing something, and therefore showed me that I could do that too.
Awww, thanks Mom2Brie!
That is inspiring, it is! I think it was Will Smith that said that even though he can’t achieve his end goal every day, he can lay “one perfect brick” each day.
I wrote for many hours today. I’m completely drained, somewaht happy but also very empty at the moment.
Wow, Charles! I love when that happens! THat rocks!
Grim determination is what gets me through and the idea that one should finish what one starts.You can’t really judge whether you’ve waasted your time until a project is finished.
That’s a good point, Bernita! I’m always afraid I am, at the beginning. And the middle. Wasting my time, that is. LOL!
I think what keeps my hopes afloat is reflecting on past difficulties. None of them killed me, and I believe the more problems I encountered, the more iron clad my resolve.
As far as keeping motivating while writing, I’ve recently copped a new attitude, which is that I don’t care about whether I become a published author or not. My happiness is found in the crafting and not the end result.
Kath, that’s an interesting approach. I think I bury them so I don’t have to think about them, but maybe I need to do the opposite.
Yay for your new attitude! That is the fun part, the crafting.
I tend to find another story to write. Short stories help: that makes me know I can FINISH something. Finishing a short story is tre harder than finishing a book, to me.
And I just sold another book, too. So that helps.
Betsy, short stories are hard. I get out of practice at them so easily, and then they suddenly feel difficult and uncomfortable. I really need to write more of them.
I’ll show that castle/city to my daughter, whose art tends toward the engineering.
Really? That rocks!
That is one amazing work of art. To have done that for four years! When I race through a story, I have hope I will finish it. I’m not sure I could last four years on one particular novel…I would hang my hat well before then.
When I know where I am going with a novel, it’s easier to be motivated to finish coz I know it’s not going to be lame
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Isn’t that something, Jewel? I’m not sure I could last that long, either! That’s a good point. When I’m feeling less confident, I tend to outline more, LOL.
That paper castle/train thing is freaking AWESOME! What gives me hope? Knowing that I can paint over the whole dang thing & start again in 5 minutes, if I need to.
Hah! That’s true, Lana! There’s always the delete key! And yeah, that thing is amazingly awesome!
Beautiful post!
My hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. I grasp onto that, hoping that my publishing turn will come.
Nadine, aww! I hope so, too!
Love this post, girl! And that movie is one of my favs too. What gives me hope is knowing I don’t Have to do anything. I can pick and choose the ones that make me happiest.
Thanks, Ladonna! Isn’t it awesome? On a strictly technical level, the pacing was just perfect. Still blows me away!
That’s a good point, Ladonna!
I love this question of motivation and forging ahead through slumps in vision or drive…I go through the same thing with my practicing sometimes. I just accept that it’s something I have to do, and that not every day is going to be amazing. Some days are arduous, downright digging-in-the-heels-I-don’t-wanna days. Other days are so amazing I can’t put the horn down and can’t wait to get back to it the next day. The important thing is just do do it, no matter what.
Oops – I think I posted this comment on the wrong entry! It was supposed to be to the one where you were talking about giving up your piano teaching career and jumping headfirst into writing, and how you motivate yourself through the valleys of writing a novel. Don’t know how I posted to this one!