I still yearn for my 5K writing days of old, and I’m not there yet.

Via a blog at Writer Unboxed, “The Internet, Your Brain, Your Writerly Self,” I discovered an article from a recent NPR show, “This Is Your Brain Online.” In it, Nicholas Carr explains how the internet is worsening our attention spans:

"Neuroscientists and psychologists have discovered that, even as adults, our brains are very plastic," Carr explains. "They’re very malleable, they adapt at the cellular level to whatever we happen to be doing. And so the more time we spend surfing, and skimming, and scanning … the more adept we become at that mode of thinking."

Humankind’s natural state is one of distractedness. In the wild, we needed to be constantly shifting our attention in a state of scanning alertness for the many dangers and threats to our daily survival.

Prolonged, solitary thought is not the natural human state, but rather “an aberration in the great sweep of intellectual history that really just emerged with [the] technology of the printed page.”

This was a revelation to me. Granted, I am a little more scatterbrained than normal people, but still. If I view a short attention span as a normal state instead of a deficiency, I can view developing a longer attention span as a practice. If our brains are so adaptable, why can’t I train it to single-task instead of multi-task?

So I’m trying.

I’ve been working on reading for hours. That sounds odd, but in the past few years, it seems I can’t go for a half hour of reading without jumping online. I remember when I used to curl up with a book for hours. Every night.

I’ve found that if I start my writing day by reading for an hour instead of hopping around online, my brain more easily focuses on writing.

I’m trying to do everything in long, single-minded stretches, one thing at a time. Even Facebook. I feel like it’s helping. Yesterday I had my first 4K day in months.

I’ve started meditating, but I’m still at thirty seconds. My brain sorta goes berserk. But hey, even if I add only ten seconds a day, I’ll be up to an hour in a year.

I’m writing first, no matter what. If I don’t produce content, I’ll starve. I’ve been dropping the ball on the little tasks in a writing life, which I regret, but I’m working hard not to let the little emergencies take precedence over writing new words.

Don’t get me wrong: I love Facebook. I love seeing how my friends are doing, I love touching base with them, and I love feeling like there’s a “water cooler” at work. Studies show that distracting yourself for a little bit improves creativity, too.

I just want to keep my distractions as distractions. There are days where writing feels like the distraction from the internet, rather than the other way around.

What was your mind like before Facebook and Twitter and the like? Do you work on stretching and strengthening your attention span? How?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 22 comments

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They’re sort of in a race. One world pulls forward as the most interesting, then the other, then the other. One is for Pseudie, one for Pseudie to self-publish, and one for Natasha to pitch NY. (I believe in diversification of assets. )

The decision of which world to use where is killing me.

There’s always the fear that this will be your last great idea, or your best idea. Sometimes this surfaces as “Why waste this great idea now? Why not wait until I’m a better writer?” Others surface in series, where the temptation is to hold back in one book, for fear you won’t be able to top it in the next book.

Every time I shift my focus, the one I’m working on gets better and more interesting. The more practice I have, the better things go.

Ideas and books don’t improve in a steady line. Some will sell well and some won’t. (There is nothing like watching one of your worst books outsell your best book by far…) Each idea and book won’t be better than the last, although we hope it’s more skilled and better crafted.

At some point, you just have to believe in the law of statistics. Keep building, keep writing, keep creating, and eventually, if you write enough, you’ll hit the right idea in the right place at the right time.

If not, there’s always the next idea.

There is an anguish worse than that of a good idea: How I wish I could write faster! Much faster! I think I could be happy with 10K a day…

Do you ever feel torn about what to do with your ideas? Which one to write next? Which one to save?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 21 comments

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I’m not sure if it was like this for all my schoolmates, but during my time in conservatory and thereafter, I was rather… down-to-earth and business-like in making a career and making money from music. In other words, keeping the passion and love alive was definitely not on my priority list.

Being “professional” was sorta drilled into your skull at all costs. (I am a rare bird in that I remember my time in conservatory fondly. The majority of my friends spent about a decade “getting over” the experience. When I was there, they hired a full-time psychiatrist to help students deal.)

I remember one friend being rather proud of herself for being down-to-earth enough to realize that “it’s a job, just like any other.”

It worked, honestly. I think C.I.M. boasts that 90% (around there) of their alumni make their living in music. But personally, I got burnt out. That was my fault, not C.I.M.’s. I sometimes cut corners out of what I loved about being a musician and teacher in order to make money.

Bad idea. It kills your enthusiasm, stresses you out, and burns you out, which, long-term, gives you less profit.

With writing, I’ve been careful to take the opposite approach: I protect the writing at all costs. I am trying to nurture my enthusiasm. I refuse to settle. Sure, what I’ve learned about making money in the arts is up there in my head, and I can’t completely turn it off (and perhaps my approach only works because of this), but my focus is on having fun and loving story and giving fiction everything I’ve got.

So I’m very careful to monitor what motivates me and what does not. Writing is going awesome at the moment. It’s erotica, though. I’ve got to figure out how to apply that to a NY-able genre.

Another big difference is that I have a lot more on my plate to write. And people already want it. That makes a big difference for my motivation.

Oddly, I have some deadlines coming up, but I’m writing as if I have none—and writing faster because of it. I’m just spending every second I can writing because I can’t wait to get back to my world and my characters.

I forgot what this was like.

I’ve been going to the movies a lot. That’s important for me. I love story, and in a movie I can disappear in it. When I read, it’s a little like working. I analyze too much while reading, so movies help me disappear in story.

I’m trying to remember these things, so I can keep the love alive.

How do you keep the love alive in your relationship with writing? What motivates you the most?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 24 comments

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I’ve noticed, over the years, that I have a tendency to write a ton in summer and fall, and dry up a bit in the spring. Isn’t that weird? Maybe it’s because the summer solstice has been approaching, but I’ve been feeling much better.

Whenever I go through a dry spell, and I really go through about one a year (even if I’m still writing during it), I always fear this is how it will be forever.

But this time, I have a few new rules for myself.

No more grind. When I grind words out and write things that aren’t who I am or what aligns with the universe’s plan for me, everything dries up and writing becomes a chore. If I can’t bring a little enthusiasm and spirit to the table, forget it.

No more practical ideas. I used to believe that I could write any idea. Probably I can, but that quickly turns into the grind. From now on, I refuse to waste my time on projects that don’t capture my heart and imagination. My imagination has to want escape to the world I’m writing in.

Oddly, I’ve learned a couple things about myself. I would be very hesitant to say I write fantasy, but my best work has fantasy leanings. I need to embrace that side of me more.

And the other thing, when all my ideas seem to be lackluster and I lose your mojo, it WILL come back. It really will. Eventually. I always fear it won’t.

So what did you learn during your last dry spell? How do you get through them? And what rules do you have to protect the writing?

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When the movie came out, I saw it a million times. I was really sick at the time, two years in and I thought I would never get better. (It took another five years.) It’s the only DVD release date that I knew and waited for and ran to the store the day it came out.

Hope Floats gave me hope at a time when I was out of hope.

So I was surprised, as I was doing the dishes the other day, that the lyrics to one of my favorite songs were so depressing.

Paper Wings
(Gillian Welch / David Rawlings)

Paper wings, all torn and bent
But you made me feel like they were heaven sent.
Paper wings, not real at all
But they took me high enough to really fall.
Your paper kisses, faded too soon
Just like a paper rose, beneath a paper moon.
Paper wings, paper wings
Oh how could I expect to fly with only paper wings.

Angels singing, didn’t you hear?
If only I’d listened close, when they whispered in my ear.
Paper wings, paper wings
Oh how could I expect to fly with only paper wings.
I tried to fly but found that I had only paper wings.

Here’s the song, if you want to listen to it as you read.

The singer strikes me as a little bitter at being inspired by just enough false hope to almost succeed but ultimately fail. At the end, she even seems a little upset with herself for her foolishness at believing she could fly.

I disagree with the song, as much as I love it. Sometimes paper wings can carry you to the next day, give you enough time to grow real ones.

(Paper Art by Helen Musselwhite)

I’ve finished over twenty longer works and I still get scared that I won’t be able to finish the next one. I thought that fear would fade, but it doesn’t. Maybe because I wasn’t able to finish my spy thriller, I’m having a bit of a battle with the fear that I won’t be able to finish this YA.

My readers really inspire and encourage me. At least Pseudie is having a new release in a few weeks, and that usually cheers me up, if I get reader mail. I hope so. It’s one of my favorites.

(Altered book by Brian Dettmer)

As I was checking out paper art to find an image of paper wings, I saw this castle. Isn’t this so beautiful you just want to die? The train tracks you see? They have a train. A train that works. Made of paper. Isn’t that beyond amazing?

(A Castle on the Ocean by Wataru Itou)

It took four years to make, FOUR YEARS!

Sometimes art is a long process filled with doubts. I have too much instant gratification in me. Writing is harder, the slower I write. I should start giving myself stickers or something to get me through, LOL.

I guess you have to hang on to your vision, hang onto any hope you can find, even if it’s paper wings. Or maybe hope doesn’t matter at all. Maybe it only matters that you just sit down and write, hope or not.

“[Momma] says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will…”

What gives you hope when you’re staring at your fears? How do you motivate yourself through the long work of writing a novel?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 31 comments

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Speaking of writing, I’ve set myself to doing a bunch of non-fiction until I meet certain financial goals, and while I still find it interesting, I feel rather blocked when it comes to fiction. I’m not liking that. I’m feeling blocked about blogging, too.

Look at me whine.

*sigh*

Well, if this isn’t the most irritable blog post I’ve written in a long time.

*sits and tries to think of something to say*

You know what I miss? Having fun talking about craft. I used to talk and think about writing and how to write all the time. Now I don’t. What happened? It’s fun to talk shop!

I was looking over some of the stuff I wrote a year or two again, and I question whether I could write that well now. Is that silly? That’s silly. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.

I hope this is a phase that ends tonight.

How goes the writing with you?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 24 comments

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It’s a good gig, though: I only write when I want or need the money, and I can not write for as long as I want. I don’t have to scurry up work or query or pound down doors, which is big for me. I just pick and do what and when I want. They’re just tiny articles, 300-500 words, but on a lot of interesting topics.

The great thing is that this ups my income to meet my goals for the year, three months early. While Glenn’s income makes our life more comfortable, I no longer *need* it to survive. In my whole adult life, I’ve only been partially dependent on someone else’s income for eight months, and I didn’t like it.

Most importantly, I feel like I’ve “made it,” in that I get to stay on the road and live this lifestyle, and I don’t need to stress anymore about losing it.

But the nicest thing is that I’m looking forward to my fiction writing more. It becomes a treat, rather than a chore. I’m spending less time, but I’m being more creative while writing, because I don’t feel the pressure to write fast in order to pay the bills.

When my brain blows a fuse on non-fiction, I might spend a whole day on fiction. I have to confess that I’m adopting a pattern of every other day exclusively on fiction. When I start losing my creative edge, I switch to non-fiction.

When it comes to grinding words for money, I much prefer writing non-fiction than pounding out stuff for Pseudie. I feel like Pseudie and I just need a little break from each other for awhile.

But this new gig is sure cutting into my Facebook and blogging time. Not to mention I just took a gig playing piano a couple nights a week. And now that Glenn won’t be taking the car to the doctor every day, I’ll be gone a full day every week, hiking the desert. Well, two days, but one will be just for fun.

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!! Guess what? LOOKEE! Over there! I mean, over there! <— It’s the cover for Bernita’s book! A Lillie St. Claire book! I’ve been waiting for it forever, ever since I first heard of Lillie St. Claire, years ago! How many years was it? Isn’t it the coolest?! Major SQUEEE!

How is it that one has an open schedule, and if you blink, you’re suddenly busy-busy? And do you have any odd things that increase your creativity?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 24 comments

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Thank goodness. This one was hard and it stressed me out, for some reason.

How are taxes? I finished mine in January, but I’m still waiting on a 1099. Yeah, I know. I know. I was just hoping to save the hassle. There’s still a chance I could be emailed the numbers, which would be fine with me.

Speaking of which, one of my other pubs put the numbers in the wrong spot. Annoying. Yeah, yeah. I know. Yes, I know.

I have five WIPs in the wings, and I’m hoping to get three of them done by the end of May. I finally want to try self-publishing: I’m not convinced I couldn’t have better royalties on my own, with a lower price point. But I have another one or two for one of my pubs, and then my YA to query agents/NY.

The YA is the one I most want to finish, but I’m anxious to get all of them done.

Wait.

Not “anxious.”

I mean, I am calmly looking forward to when they will all be done.

The only “craft” goal I have for the next month is this: I want to write without forcing an adrenalin-rush freak out in order to grind out my word count. I still want to write fast a lot, but I want it to be slow and steady throughout the day, like a turtle.

Slow and calm and relaxed like a turtle.

Ohhhmmmmmmm.

I might take a day off tomorrow. *waits for the world to come to a groaning halt* Probably not. I don’t know.

Do you take a day off between WIPs? What’s your foremost writing goal, right now?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 18 comments

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I had meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (I’d made pot roast for the crock pot.) And a mid-day caffeine nap (scientifically proven, I swear!). And I lit my St. Martin Caballero candle.

I think this is how writing rituals get started, and how writers get addicted to certain things as a crutch.

When you have a “flow” day, when the writing comes relatively easily, one wants to repeat everything about it, so one can have the same success again and again and again. When I performed often, I could snap into the zone easy-peasy. Not so much now, not with writing, but I’m always on a quest to control it.

And I’m wondering: how do you get into the zone? What things do you do to arrange your life for optimum writing? Food? Candles? Tea? A certain location?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 14 comments

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For me, the hardest thing is keeping my brain in optimum working order. To write, the brain must be able to think. If I’m in that morning wake-up fuzz, it’s easy to focus, but if I’m too sleepy, I just want to fall asleep.

Making sure I can write necessitates that I keep my asthma under control. Lack of oxygen makes me fall asleep, not write. LOL. Which means I have to eat right, avoid dairy, not go to the bookstore too much (but go to the bookstore enough to be inspired and research), and exercise—but not too much.

I have to take one coffee pill, but not two, unless spaced out by five or six hours. I have to keep up on my fish oil, or else my ADD becomes completely unmanageable.

I can push through most physical challenges, but I haven’t yet found a way to push through the thinking challenges. Either my brain’s working or it’s not. If desperate, I can take one of those five-hour energy shot things, but I pay for it later. (Those are great for deadline pushes, though.)

So as I was sitting her being all self-pitying about this darned flu, I was contemplating what I was going to eat tonight so that I could get a lot of words done tomorrow. And then I wondered if other people find this aspect of writing as difficult as I do.

Do you? What is the hardest thing about writing for you? How far do you go in planning your life around writing?

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© Natasha Fondren for Natasha Fondren, 2010. | 42 comments

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