The older I get, the more I can’t help but think of that saying, “Life sucks and then you die.” I’m not being depressing, truly. It’s just that life is full of hardness and heartbreak, and I look around and don’t know how people survive.
I’m really not certain why I’m coming to this conclusion now, because I’m loving my life more than I ever have.
My life in my thirties? So. Awesome.
So I really don’t know why I keep looking around now and thinking, “Life sucks and then you die.” Watching people lose loved ones, or love people who don’t love them back, or struggle through illness… it just all seems so hard and sad. (Even though we’ve all done those things and survived just fine.)
On the flip side, life seems sweeter. When two people manage to fall in love and have a loving marriage—wow, what a miracle. Or when a child is born—my heart breaks in a happy way just thinking about it. Or, you know, sometimes just a lizard running across your patio.
A friend was bored, so she wanted to go to the theater. We saw “Barney’s Version,” and it’ll make you laugh, cry, and think. Best-written movie I’ve seen in a long time. Apparently it’s based on a novel, which I MUST read.
Here’s the trailer, which doesn’t really do it justice:
In a way, it was a happy ending, depending on how you interpret it. I think the point was that, as “Barney’s Version,” it was a happy ending. The way we see our histories is as interesting as what they actually were.
It’s funny, I’ve been really looking forward to summer, because I love the lizards and I had so much fun discovering the summer desert. I was telling someone how much I loved summer here last year, but then I realized: my old camper was really hot, it leaked during the monsoons, I had asthma attacks that made me unable to work for 3-5 days a week, and I was miserable.
And yet all I remember is the lizards and the walks and the desert and all that made me happy, and I can’t wait for summer again. Truly, though, my new camper won’t have any of those problems, and I have asthma meds and two jobs I love. So the summer is going to be awesome.
Do you tend to see your history through rose-colored glasses and gloss over the bad stuff? Or do you remember the bad stuff as much as the good stuff? The bad stuff more than the good? Or do you remember it exactly as it was?