Dec
31
2010
19

2010: A Snapshot of Updates

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: My Adventures | Tags:
Dec
30
2010
8

The Eleventh Hour

Working out can teach you a lot about yourself. I can do a hard 45 minute run on the elliptical, really pushing myself, and I’m fine the whole way through… until the last 5 or 10 minutes.

At which point I am convinced that I can’t possibly make it, that I will never make it, and that the end is impossibly far away.

Even THIRTY SECONDS to the end, it’s all I can do to stay on the elliptical, so certain am I that I’m never going to make it.

I’m the same way with my WIP. At the eleventh hour, I feel like all hope is lost.

Same with life.

I wish, at times, I could change the timing of my self-doubt, but it seems fixed. I wish I could change the existence of it, too, but such is life. One foot in front of the other, though.

What about you? At what hour is your self-doubt the greatest? Is there a point at which you have to muscle through on blind faith that things will work out, even though you can’t see it?

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: Musings | Tags:
Dec
26
2010
14

Love Bigger.

That’s my motto for 2011. I’m trying to stretch my heart out, make room for loving the not-yet-conceived children of my own, LOL. I know: silly, right?

Definitely silly.

But that’s my goal: love bigger. Instead of self-protecting, I want to love a person bigger than whatever issue is at hand. Not the kind of demanding and must-be-returned sort of love, but a free, open, accepting kind of love.

We humans are all imperfect beings, all mostly wanting to love and be loved, I guess. Lately, it seems not much is more important than that.

If I can also give a little bit of love to baristas, retailers, waiters/waitresses, everyone I meet, that’d be cool. Even if they don’t know it, LOL.

Even if it’s silly.

And with writing, I just want to love it more and more every day: I want to be grateful to have writing work and I want to appreciate that more each day.

Most of all, I want to be healthfully and successfully pregnant by the end of the year. If I can have the financial means to make all the above happen and provide well for my baby and his/her education, I’m content.

I really can’t think of much else I want, which is definitely different from most years, when I have a long list of career and self-improvement goals.

What about you? What are your hopes this year? Your goals? Resolutions? And how were your holidays?

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: Musings | Tags: ,
Dec
16
2010
15

You Know What?

I thoroughly love my job. Between dreams of baking cookies in the kitchen and dreams of being a grandma (Wtf? I understood the baby-making hormones, but this is just plain weird—shouldn’t I be more focused on the son and daughter thing first?), I just love making up stories.

Writing. Totally. Rocks.

That’s all.

How’s your writing going? What’re you workin’ on?

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: Full-Time Writing |
Dec
11
2010
14

Conversation as Hobby

Community fascinates me. I used to live in Ohio, where there are tons of Amish communities. Each community lives by an Ordnung, a specific code of behavior. As new technology develops, it is weighed (in the best of circumstances, at least) against whether or not it will help build or break down community between its members. For example, phones in the house are (usually) forbidden, because it discourages visiting between members.

You can look up the details if it interests you. What always struck me was how their lifestyle created a community where talking and visiting are a pastime—a hobby.

That’s what living in an RV Resort is like. There’s always people, and you can always talk to someone. Like yesterday I was feeling all discouraged about the family thing, but then I spent three hours playing in a pool with a kid and a couple, and I feel all better.

It’s also cool that when you pass someone, you stop and talk for a long time. And you can always go to the clubhouse and chat.

It’s normal for me to spend at least an hour talking to people a day (unless I go up to Tucson, but even then I talk to people in the coffee shop)… and that’s nothing. Some people spend three or more hours a day visiting and talking.

It’s sorta fascinating.

It freaked me out the first year. Life is WAY slower, and it’s difficult to fit in with that pace when you’re trying to build a career. But I really like it now.

It amazes me how different it is from my old life.

Have you ever lived in a community where talking is a daily pastime? Maybe college?

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: Beautiful People |
Dec
10
2010
12

On Ticking-Clock Fantasies

I do love my job. Today’s to-do list consists of watching the 2005 BBC miniseries Bleak House for research, finishing my eBook Formatting and Design website, and outlining what I’ve already written in my current WIP.

Pretty awesome.

The latest turn of my ticking-clock hormones is that I’m fantasizing about being in a kitchen. Like in a home. Like with kids chattering and homework on the table and making dinner.

It’s like an obsession.

The other one is big holiday and family dinners. And Christmas cookies. I want to make loads of Christmas cookies.

It’s so freakin’ weird.

I have also hit the stage where I burst into tears every time I see a baby or toddler or children and want to kiss them all. I sit in Borders trying to write, and half the time I stare out the window as the kids hop by.

It’s weird being a woman. Honestly. You’re taught as you grow up to be career-oriented and to put off kids and to be independent (Read: alone.) and for god’s sake avoid men who want you barefoot and pregnant.

And here I am in my thirties and my heart is DYING to be barefoot and pregnant and cooking in the kitchen. I don’t have kids yet, and I’m already praying for grandchildren.

WTF?

I am actually excited about an upcoming WIP. It’s definitely in the shiny stage. It’ll be interesting to see how it executes or if it works at all. I hope it writes quickly. And I’m thrilled with my eBook business. I enjoy coding and arranging and designing.

Life is too short to accept consolation prizes, though. I’ll make my family, one way or another. I’m just a little nervous is all, what with how quickly time flies by.

Any strange fantasies you have? Or had, if your clock ever ticked?

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: Musings |
Dec
06
2010
18

One Word, One Author?

If you had one word to sum up your life, what would it be?

I’ve decided my word right now is “ironic.”

At least it’s funny, right?

I think I mentioned this before, but for the first time, I sorta wish John Irving would write a novel of my life at the moment, because he could do it perfectly and make sense of it all, LOL. Tragicomedy, he calls his writing. I think of it as that which would be tragic is so ironic, it becomes comedy.

So what would your word be? And who would you choose to write your life right now, other than yourself?

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: Musings |
Dec
05
2010
6

Especially For You

Those of you who will appreciate it, I mean:

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Written by Natasha Fondren in: Musings |

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